ensangrentado_3 (ensangrentado_3) wrote in self_mutilation,

Hey everyone

Hey everyone.  My name's Ashley, and I've been a cutter for almost five years, since I was fifteen.  I'm soft bipolar (Bipolar II), which if you don't know what that is, is basically bipolar without nearly as much mania.  I was misdiagnosed with depression for two years, and the medications didn't help until I was also put on a mood stabilizer, which helped balance out the slight mania with the deep depression.  It's different than being bipolar or depressed, it's weird, and I still don't quite understand it.

A little about me:
From age 15 to about 17, I cut deep and frequently.  When I was 17, I made it a little over 7 months without cutting, but then started again.  Now it's rare and not nearly as deep as before, but I still want to stop altogether. 
I used to overdose on pills a lot.
Whenever I was mad at myself I used to deprive my body of food for days at a time.
I've attempted suicide twice.

On a happier note:
I'm engaged to a wonderful man who loves me more than his own life. We're getting married in 2011 and I couldn't be happier.
I'm in college with a 3.7 GPA
I finally have my own place, and moving out was the best decision I've ever made.
I work at a movie theater, I'm the person that charges you outrageous prices for popcorn and cokes.  I used to be in telemarketing, but it really sucks getting cussed out every day, so I said fuck that.
I love music; I play piano, guitar, and drums.  My only tattoo is of a bass clef and an upside-down treble clef so it looks like a heart.
I love animals, I have a dog, hamster, and fish, soon to be getting a puppy.  My fiance wants a cat...like that's going to happen. ;)

So there's a little about me.  I just want to find other people who struggle with SI to talk to.  I want to help you get out of where I was, and I want to find someone to help me get out altogether.  I want to end this struggle, I want to not crave having a blade in my hand anymore, I want to fight this.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  I'll be so happy to talk to any of you. =]
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