Arya (arya0c) wrote in self_mutilation,

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I self harm

I am 18, and while I know most on here have been cutting for years...I only have been for several months. But already it feels like it has been forever. In a way it has been, ever since I was 6 I have thought about suicide, anorexia, bulimia, and of course cutting. But I have never been able to follow through on any...until recently. I would get as far as putting the knife to my skin, than letting the knife slip from my grasp. I finally cut this year, and have stopped eating at times-- but only for brief periods (a few days, maybe a week). For me...things move quickly and fade even faster. So I was able to stop cutting for almost two full weeks after I had upped it to over 20 cuts a day, but now I have gone back to cutting. I am not looking to stop. I dont want to do it the rest of my life but...I dont want to stop just yet. Not until I get a handle on life and all its problems. But eventually yes, I will want to stop. Just not yet. I like to cut because it gives me a sense of control. First it was for the relief, then for the pain, then for the control.

I figure Im not the only one in the world who feels this way....but I was just hoping for someone to talk to who understands.
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