manic_insomnia (manic_insomnia) wrote in self_mutilation,

The Solution

The solution. Right now, for me, actually sounds like cutting. I haven't for 2 years or so, but things have gotten bad with my triggers. Bad in that, I don't feel as much anymore, I've given up on the emotions and am just numb from how pathetic I am, and how disgusted I am with myself. At least cutting made me deal. Right now I don't know how to deal when I can't feel, when I keep failing hard, and my addictions and traumas can't go away. Will I be confined like this forever- does it even get any better? I forgot I had issues, until after 3-4 months of no problems, from working so hard, and feeling so good- it all went to shit. I won't cut, but it doesn't mean that I don't think of it as the only real solution, because it doesn't hurt nearly as much, as how much I hate myself for being so disgusting.
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that is so great you had 3-4 months without any problems. do you know what the trigger was? maybe you could work on realizing what the trigger is and knowing when things will crash and burn. it really hurts when you hate yourself and it feels like you will never be able to love yourself. but you are worth the fight and you should be proud of how long you went without cutting. please keep fighting, you are worth it.