manic_insomnia (manic_insomnia) wrote in self_mutilation,

The Solution

The solution. Right now, for me, actually sounds like cutting. I haven't for 2 years or so, but things have gotten bad with my triggers. Bad in that, I don't feel as much anymore, I've given up on the emotions and am just numb from how pathetic I am, and how disgusted I am with myself. At least cutting made me deal. Right now I don't know how to deal when I can't feel, when I keep failing hard, and my addictions and traumas can't go away. Will I be confined like this forever- does it even get any better? I forgot I had issues, until after 3-4 months of no problems, from working so hard, and feeling so good- it all went to shit. I won't cut, but it doesn't mean that I don't think of it as the only real solution, because it doesn't hurt nearly as much, as how much I hate myself for being so disgusting.
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